Hey All,
I want to apologize up front for those of you getting this information this way- I really wanted to tell each and every one of you in person. That is not really feasible for a lot of situations, and it would have been something that would be very hard for me to do. I'm very sorry that I couldn't.
My prognosis is grim. Very grim. My prognosis is terminal. I don't know what kind of time line my oncologist has for me, and I frankly don't want to know. What I do know is that if it were too close she would have just referred me to hospice, instead of treating me.
I've known, or at least had a good idea, since the last day of the first trip to the hospital back in December. I did the stupid thing of researching neuroendocrine tumors of the pancreas on the last day of my stay. Heather had gone back home to be with the dogs and go back to work, since we didn't know how long I would be there, and it was just sporadic tests. I read that once the cancer metastasizes to the liver, there is no longer a cure. Since my liver was what everyone was worried about, I put two and two together. The oncology team that was assigned to me at that time came in while I was reading this. I asked a few questions, such as them not considering me for a liver transplant. It was a hard night. I found myself in the chapel at the hospital.
I'm sorry that I didn't share all of this with you up front. It's been super hard to process, and with the holidays coming up, I figured it would be best to wait. The holidays came and went, and it was just easier to ignore sharing heavy news and to just sit with it a bit longer. Unfortunately, this also means that it was really hard to be completely honest in my blog, and it was even harder to find things to write about without letting the cat out of the proverbial bag. I also kept the news from Heather, but she is super smart, and finally pieced things together about a month ago. Please don't be upset with her, either. It was my decision to keep this under wraps until I was ready to let people know.
I don't know how long I will live. All I know is that now I wake up every day thankful that I get to see the sunrise, spend the day with HB and her dogs, and talk to the people I love. I ask for another day when I go to bed at night. Dr. Khan, my oncologist, told me wisely that we should all live today for today, because we never really know what will happen. I can honestly say that life is a hell of a lot better when you can just live in the moment, and live in the moment every day.
Now I'm starting to get preachy, so I will leave it there. Again, I'm sorry that I held this back from all of you - your support has meant the world to me, and really has made carrying this news a lot easier to handle. I'm also sorry if you're finding out over the internet. I should be posting a little more often, now, and with more content than just news from appointments (although that will still be there, too).
George and I love you and will do anything that we can for you. We don't have much, but if we have it and you need it, just ask, it's yours. Just keep praying and don't ever give up!
ReplyDeleteron i love you so much i am praying and i know for a fact god answers prayers he can heal you like no doctor can, leave it in his hands he loves you so very much he has it all worked out. i pray you keep the faith,and strength i am here always if you need me for any thing love you buddy!
ReplyDeleteI just found out from Shelby last night Ron. You have been in my prayers for some time now. I am so proud of you for carrying an attitude of Godliness and peace through all of this. I am sure there are days that it is not easy to do. You are such a special young man, and I pray that God touches you in ways only he can and holds you in his hands every step of the way through all of this. If there is anything that I can do for you, please let me know. I will keep you and Heather in my prayers, as I am sure she is struggling more than she can say too. Sending love to you both!!
ReplyDeleteRon, This is Wayne M's Mother. You have my prayers with you. I respect your desire to not know the things you have asked not to know. I am glad to see that you are trying very hard to keep a positive attitude. I applaud you for that and will do what I can to help you keep that way. Stay as strong as you can. Love you Ron!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me, but I came across your letter by accident. A friend had posted a video for you and I watched it. Normally, I overlook most of the garbage on Facebook, but I sensed there was a true message in what Cory wanted to share. I was so deeply moved, not only by your story, but by your amazing strength. We lost my brother-in-law at 41 to Malignant Melanoma. He came to stay with us and I cared for him the final 6 weeks of his life. That experience was life-changing. Yet,I sit here now, thinking about all of the menial things I complain about or anguish over everyday, and suddenly feel shame. Shame that I fail to embrace the many blessings that I have around me. I cry because my 88 year old mom is nearing the end of her life, instead of celebrating the years we've had. I stress over bills, work and things I have no control over, rather than giving thanks daily for the priceless gifts I already have. What a perfectly wasteful way to show my gratitude for life. Sadly, I can't change your outcome,nor can I imagine the incredible, unselfish strength that it took for you to share your story. But,I do believe in miracles and will pray for you. You are a special young man with a powerful message to all. God bless you Ron. Althea
ReplyDeleteRon, I've been praying for you throughout and will continue to do so. Your strength is inspirational. You certainly have the attitude toward life that all of us should have, but almost none attain. much love and positive energy your way.
ReplyDelete