A look into life with cancer

So I talked this morning about my trip to Ann Arbor.  I mentioned the long day, and the bowel sucking of the paracentesis.  What I did not mention is how a paracentesis makes you feel.  The first thing I should note, is that yes, it does make me feel lots better, but there is always a price.  When I get done, the first thing I notice is the weight loss.  4 liters is roughly 10 pounds of fluid.  When I stand up, my abdominal and back muscles aren't used to the extra weight being gone.  It's sort of like when you get done roller skating, and your feet still feel like they're being weighed down.  I can't help but sort of stoop for the first hour or so, until my muscles can readjust to the new weight and dimensions of my body cavity.

Another thing of note, is that draining that much fluid from your body is not necessarily good for it.  It freaks your kidneys out to lose that much water from your body.  In some cases, they need to put you on an IV of albumen to replace the proteins in your blood stream.  I've never had to have this.  What I can say is that when I stand up I feel like I just woke up from a long nap, but I didn't get any sleep.  I'm a bit light-headed and definitely weaker than I was before I had the fluid removed.  When they suck up your bowels, it causes them to cramp for the rest of the day.

Well, all of this was just to prep you for my trip to Walmart today.  On top of still being really crampy from the bowel sucking, I had 2 shots, one in each butt cheek.  The octreotide injections are a bit like tetanus shots, in that they make the affected area sore for a few days.  Today, I was really sore.  I could walk, but I was slow, and I was also pretty fatigued.  I need some staple groceries, but I knew that the things I needed were pretty spread out around the store.  I was pretty embarrassed, but I asked the greeter if I could use a motorized cart.  You should all know that I have a pretty good stubborn streak, but I also know my limits.  Maybe the prideful solution would have been to wait another day to go to the store.  The greeter kind of scoffed at me, like I was some punk kid who just wanted to screw around with the cart.  Reluctantly, he led me to the nearest cart, and unplugged it for me.

I proceeded to do the most embarrassing shopping of my life.  I got dirty looks from everyone.  I don't look that sick, and really I'm not, I was just having an exceptionally bad day.  People cut me off like crazy, little kids stared, and couples muttered to themselves as I passed by.  I made my way back to the checkout with some milk, cream, frozen fruit, dried milk, and olive oil.  When I got to the check out, the clerk scoffed, and flashed a skeptical look to the patron in front of me.  I unloaded my goods onto the conveyor belt.  The clerk began to scan my items without even saying hello.  I asked how she was doing and she replied, "Good".  That's the only exchange of words we had.  I began to make my way outside, following behind a woman in another chair.  She was allowed to leave the store in her motorized cart to unload her items, I was not.  The greeter informed me that chairs were not allowed outside of the store.  Just a side note, this was not the same greeter who gave me the chair, however, she did check the receipt of the motorized chair lady that just scootered her way out the store.

I braced myself, and grabbed my items, which feel a lot heavier than they really are on days like today, and trudged my way out to my car, cursing the rudeness that I'd just experienced.  Also of note, this is not my attempt to bash any Walmart, or even this particular Walmart, as I feel I probably would have had a similar experience at any store.  I guess my point is, just because someone doesn't look like they need something, doesn't mean that they aren't actually in need.  The more you know, I guess.